I've had a busy few days, so it's been a while since I've been able to really dig into the good ol' metaphysical type of discussion that makes me tick. But now I'm poised and ready to pick your brains, about something that's always been a rather conflicting subject for me.
First, the premise... Last week I wrote about my awesome sister Stella, and I mentioned that she gives advice that is straight and to-the-point. One time, a few years ago, I was complaining to her about my then-boyfriend. You see, for some stupid reason, the thing that bugged me most about this boyfriend was that he took the long way to get to my house, instead of the short-cut I preferred. I have no idea now why this bothered me so much. Apparently bad navigational skills was a deal-breaker for me? Forget that the guy was sweet, attractive and romantic... he took AN EXTRA FIVE MINUTES TO GET TO MY HOUSE. Gosh. What a loser.
When I complained about this to Stella, she said, as if talking about the weather: "Why don't you just tell him that it bothers you?"
To which I eloquently replied: "Um. What?"
"Just tell him," Stella said. "I'm sure he doesn't know that it bothers you, so once you tell him, he'll probably stop going the long way."
And then she looked out the window and hummed to the music on the radio, while I thought about how unfair it was that my sister got the common sense gene from my parents. I apparently got the make-everything-complicated gene.
Of course, I had never once thought to TELL my boyfriend that I didn't like his route of choice. Why would I do that? After all, that could hurt his feelings. And I would much rather have gone on brooding about this (which would have reared its ugly head eventually) than to outright hurt his feelings in one fell swoop.
Looking back, it sounds just as ridiculous to me now as Stella probably thought it sounded then.
This isn't the only instance where I haven't communicated my conflicts with a partner. And I'm sure I'm not alone.
Why do we do this? Why are we so afraid to be honest with our boyfriend/girlfriend/spouse about what's bugging us? (Even if it's something as simple as road choice?) Why can't we see that a resolution might come simply by opening our mouth and telling the truth?
On the other side of the coin, how honest is too honest? What should remain unsaid?
Discuss. And be nice this time. (You know who you are, peeps.)
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2 comments:
Honesty is almost always the best policy. 99% of the time telling the truth makes things easier, if not right away then in the long run.
This number would be 100% if women avoided trap questions like "Does this dress make me look fat?" "Do I look fat" and making other comments about being fat or unattractive. Not that we're lying all the time, it's just a lot of pressure to put on a guy, you have to make sure you answer the question with the correct tone, timing, and eye contact.
As far as things roads and that, it'd be better to just tell him. If he was upset by that, well, that would probably be the least of your problems.
In my opinion, I think the "honesty policy" is vital for a healthy strong relationship. I think some of the strongest relationships I know, are due to how they don’t hold back anything. They share their “honest” feelings, desires, fears, turn ons, turn offs, insecurities, pet peeves, quirks, struggles, likes, dislikes, dreams, wishes, criticism, opinions, humor, and etc… I think you get the picture. And as of result, I can identify a deep intimacy in these relationships. And you see this the most in older couples.
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