Well, I finally finished my 80/20 Experiment list. I suppose it wasn't very surprising. After all, I've been dating for about 15 years now; I do know what I'm looking for in a man!
But what was surprising was determining which are the non-negotiables and which can be thrown out the window.
In making the list, I separated it into five categories:
1. Looks
2. Personality
3. Values
4. Things He Likes
5. How He Treats Me
I'm not going to share all of the specific line items, as I feel it's personal. (Plus, I don't think it's wise to publish my recipe for a perfect man on the World Wide Web. Any wackadoo could approach me claiming to posess all that falls into the 80-percent category. No thanks!) However, I will say that every item in the "Values" category (i.e. religion, family) fell in the 80th percentile, while most of the items in the "Things He Likes" category (food, music) were labeled as 20-percenters.
I listed 38 things total. Eighty percent of that is roughly 30, and 20 percent is 8. So there were 8 things that I could take or leave. The rest were the non-negotiables. Which is kind of scary. Because 30 is a much higher number than 8. I fear that my 80-percent Man might not actually exist. But it is that belief that causes me to settle, so I need to change that mindset! That is the whole purpose of this exercise!
It feels weird talking about this kind of thing in such mathematical terms. After all, we are talking about human beings here. And I don't plan on consulting this list every time I meet someone new. It's just a good way of identifying what matters and what doesn't. And I'm sure it will at least serve as a reminder from time to time of those traits that I cannot and should not settle for.
Did anyone else make a list? Or have you in the past? How has it worked for you?
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2 comments:
I left a comment on the last post about trying to make a list, and only coming up with the fact that I can't be with someone who doesn't like Bob Dylan.
I had dinner with my athletic/triathlon mentor tonight...and he seemed to think that this might not be the best way to choose a wife.
So, if anyone who reads this blog checked out my last column and said "hey, I totally buy into that. I will pick a spouse/dating partner based solely on whether or not that person knows that 'Blood on the Tracks' was Dylan's divorce/motorcycle wreck album," a i need to inform you that a very wise person told me that this is a bad idea...
I also learned at dinner that I shouldn't try & pick s spouse centered around a mutual obsession with racing bicycles. Apparently someone who fits that role is a "workout buddy" and not a "wife."
So, my list has now has two things that a partner DOES NOT have to be.
I realized something in starting my list (I got about halfway through). I kept including things that my current and exboyfriend(s) did well or a modified version of what they did wrong. I'm not sure if that's a good sign or a bad sign, but at least it means I have learned and am still learning what's best for me.
Example: "Someone who stands up for themselves, their beliefs, and others when necessary, even if that includes standing up to me." I realize that's probably a long thing to include on my list, but that requirement comes from a combination of being with someone who let me and everyone else walk all over him and someone who was too quick to stand up to people if he felt even slightly insulted.
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