Thoughts About the World Wide Web

I don't know if it's because of this blog or ODE or what, but lately I've been thinking a lot about online social networking sites. (Not only dating websites but others like Facebook and MySpace.) I can't help but wonder if these sites are really improving our communication with each other, or turning us all into social morons.

I'm a writer, so I love that I have so many opportunities to communicate with people via writing. Whether I'm texting, emailing, instant messaging (even though that still feels unnatural to me) or leaving a comment on someone's Facebook page... it has opened up a whole new vein of creativity in me, and it's fun!

However, I sometimes have to check myself. Is what I'm saying to these people through typed words the same thing I would say to them in person? Probably not. Is electronic communication different than our face-to-face communication would be? Without a doubt, yes. And that's fine, unless it becomes our primary form of communication.

When it comes to establishing interest in the opposite sex, the opportunities for online and mobile communication are endless. Whenever I see the little red light on my Blackberry flashing, I get a rush of excitement, wondering who was thinking of me enough to send me a message, and if that someone is someone worth getting excited about. But the problem with these little mini rushes is that I'm often disappointed. I hate discovering that the red light signified nothing other than a junk email, or a Twitter text from someone I barely know.

When I do get a message from a guy who I like, it's like opening a present. My heart pounds with every flirty word and winking emoticon. And in my opinion, that's the best part about electronic communication: The flirting. E-flirting, I like to call it. We can flirt in ways the human race has never flirted before. And that's exhilarating. But it might also be holding us back a bit.

I remember a few years ago, I liked a guy who lived kind of far away from me. We had met once at a mutual friend's house and then emailed back and forth almost every day for about a month until we saw each other in person. Our emails were fun, funny, and uber creative. We started this thing where, in every email, we had to tell each other something new about ourselves. And of course, I couldn't say something lame like, "I like chocolate." (Even though I do. Very much. Just sayin'.) It had to be more clever than that, like "I once stepped on a cat's tail in the middle of Vatican City." This guy probably thought I was the coolest, most unique chick ever. And I felt the same way about him. Except for the "chick" part.

But when we finally got together in person, the attraction quickly fizzled. Turns out we weren't nearly as cool and clever in person as we were on each other's computer screens.

And then there's the problem with revealing too much about yourself right from the get-go, especially on sites like Facebook and MySpace. Some of the things that people used to have to learn about you in a gradual process, they can now find out simply by clicking on the "Info" button on your Facebook page. In a way, this can bring you closer to a person in a shorter amount of time—there are fewer layers to unpeel—but it can also turn them away before they even get the chance to know the real you.

And don't even get me started on the jealousy (whether justified or not) that can result because of these social networking sites. I can't even imagine being an insecure teenager during this decade. I'm sure there are young girls everywhere losing their minds—even as I write—at the sighting of another girl's comment on her boyfriend's profile. The online world is like one big soap opera.

All that being said, I'm a media junkie, so I actually am an advocate for online and mobile communication. I just think it's important to be extra vigilant about what you put out there, and to not lose your sense of self.

What are your thoughts on the new age of communication? Are you for it or against it?

RIP ODE

Well, just when I was starting to come around on Match.com, just when I conceded that I can be friends with it, it went and stabbed me in the back.

I just found out that it charged me for another month's subscription WITHOUT EVEN TELLING ME.

Not cool, Match. Not. Cool.

So now I have to put up with another month of "cooldude219 has winked at you!" (Totally made up that username, so don't look it up.) But I've been anxiously awaiting the end of the Online Dating Experiment, so I'm just going to pretend it's over. I might even delete my profile on Match, although the cheapskate in me is telling me that would be wasteful.

But even if I keep my profile active, I'm going to give my summations on ODE now because I have a lot to say and I can't wait another month to say it!

As I mentioned before, I received several winks and emails from Matchos throughout the month, but none of them really did it for me, except for the one who contacted me on MySpace. That Matcho and I went on a date last night. Though part of me worried that a dirty 54-year-old man would show up at my door, I just had a good feeling about this guy. And it turns out he was all he claimed to be, which is a good thing. We had fun on our date and we may go out again, who knows.

So in that particular case, online dating was a success for me. I probably never would have met this guy otherwise, so it's kinda cool to think that Match.com played some part in that. The fact that I spent my Saturday evening with a good guy instead of sitting at home doing nothing—all orchestrated indirectly by a website—just goes to show you how influential a role the Internet can play in your life. (I'll be discussing more on that general concept tomorrow. I would talk about it now but I have so many thoughts on it, and I think those thoughts deserve a post of their own, don't you? They can't be sharing space with all of this silly ODE nonsense.)

I'm sure it's been painfully obvious in the past month that online dating ain't my thang. However, I would not discourage other people from doing it if it's something they're truly interested in. I think I went into it with a skeptical outlook from the get-go, and as we all know, negativity begets negativity. So my point is, in this case, do NOT take my example. Just do what you want to do and draw your own conclusions.

So I've done the Scarcity Myth Experiment and the Online Dating Experiment. I'm going to be all lonely without an experiment by my side now, so I'm going to have to conjure up a new one. If you have any ideas, please let me know! This stuff is fun.

The computer speaks...

I just realized that it's been a while since my last update about the Online Dating Experiment.

There's not much to report. I'm still getting "winks" and emails from various Matchos. And now I think Match.com is doing the thing where they run my profile through a labyrinthine automated matchmaking system, because all of a sudden lately there's a new category called "Matches." The guys in this category don't appear to have sought me out on their own. They appear to have been called to my attention because we have stuff in common. ("You both like food!") I think these guys are getting my profile under their "Matches" link too.

When I click on said link, it takes me to a Matcho's profile, and I can't see the next guy's profile until I decide if the first one is a "Yes," "No" or "Maybe." Of course I click on "Maybe" because MAYBE I want to see who else the computer might be matching me up with. MAYBE I want to go back to only meeting men in the real world. MAYBE I can't wait for my month-long subscription to be up so that I no longer have to judge the worth of complete strangers based solely on their interests and photos...

Okay, I'm done with the maybes.

I will give props to one of the Matchos. He viewed my profile and—like me—felt that connecting with me on Match is impersonal, so he searched for my username on MySpace instead. Sure enough, I have the same username there too, so he sent me a long message on MySpace. This was nice because I could see his profile too, and for some reason you can find out more about a person on MySpace than on Match. (Facebook is even better, but that's neither here nor there.) This particular Matcho stood out to me, not only because of his outstanding investigational skills, but also because he appears to be a gentleman. And he's a good writer, which delights the nerd in me.

He and I are just chatting for now. I'm impatient and would rather just meet in person soon so I can find out if we're a "Match" in real life too. But I think he's trying to play it cool so I will oblige, I suppose.

I have a lot of other opinions and philosophies forming in my head about the concept of online dating (and about online social networking in general), but I'm going to wait till the month-long experiment is complete before I share them. After all, something unique could happen between now and then, and if I were to make conclusions before all of the evidence is gathered, I would be one lousy scientist.

So stay tuned for about two more weeks.

ODE update, 'n stuff

Well, it's been one week since I began my Online Dating Experiment (ODE). I've received winks and emails from other Matchos (my new term for the guys on Match.com) on a daily basis, and I still don't quite know what to do with all of that. 

I like analyzing the emails. Some of the guys are pretty creative and ask questions as if they really are interested in me. And others seem to have a more "blanket" email, something along the lines of "I like your profile, I would like to get to know you better, I am a boring person who can't think of anything clever to say, blah blah blah." 

And then there are the creepies. I've only received one so far. It was from a guy who had a very minimal profile (no photo or anything), and the message simply said, "Saw 5." I'm hoping that he accidentally sent the message before he finished typing the rest of the sentence. ("Saw 5 typos in your profile," perhaps? Nah, not even possible.) I'm really hoping that he was not referring to the movie Saw 5. I haven't even seen that flick but it looks like the kind that would make me pee my pants in fear. And I can't figure out why he would write that in a message to me. Can anyone who has seen that film shed some light? 

Speaking of light, I think I'm going to sleep with all of them on tonight. Yech.

The thing is, creepy, creative or boring, I can't seem to write ANY of them back. It just feels so empty, communicating with strangers in that way. I don't even know what to say to them because I have no connection to them whatsoever. 

Ugh, I want to like ODE. I really do. Maybe I should go on a date with one of the Matchos, just so I can experience the whole spectrum of the online dating scene, and then I'll be done with it. Or maybe the in-person meeting will actually convert me into an online dating aficionado. I doubt it. But I'm keeping an open mind. (But I doubt it.)

But enough about that silliness. Now onto some items of bizness, y'all...

1) If you have a Twitter account—you are awesome, first of all. Also, I would like to follow you. And if you can stand to hear my wacky thoughts throughout the day, you can follow me here. (My Twitter name is julietseeks). I aim to entertain, but I'll let you be the judge.

2) Most of my posts this past week have (coincidentally) ended with me asking for feedback from you folks. I was feeling especially inquisitive, I guess. But I'd like to say a big Thank You to those of you who offered your thoughts and opinions. In the short time I've been writing this blog, I've learned a lot from you crazy kids. Keep the comment love comin'!

3) If you're looking for a good laugh, you might want to read this blog later this week. That's all I'm sayin'.

This online dating stuff is weird

So I was feeling all good about myself today because I received six emails and six "winks" from guys on Match.com. Almost every time I checked my email, I was getting a message from Match saying that someone was interested in me! 

I was starting to strut my stuff, until I went to my profile and saw how many people had actually looked at my profile today... 76. Seventy-six men looked at my profile, and 64 of them decided they weren't interested enough to even click on the little Wink icon! My big head was deflated in a nanosecond. It deserved that, I suppose. But it liked feeling desired, dangit.

Of course, I couldn't READ the emails until I subscribed to the devil that is Match.com. They let you do your profile and see other people's profiles for free, but in order to read the 6 messages in your inbox, you have to pay a monthly fee. And because I am a product of our instant gratification culture, I just had to read what those messages said. So I forked over the cash for a one-month subscription. 

I feel like I've sold out.

But it was fun to read what the whopping six people had to say about me. My head was filling up a little again, after reading their flattering messages. I think the trick is to write a witty "Profile Headline." Here's mine: "I'm a good girl, love my mama. Love Jesus and America too... I also happen to be crazy 'bout Elvis." 

So most of the emails I received had something to do with Tom Petty. They all thought I was a huge Petty fan, but actually I'm not. I just have always related to those lyrics in his song "Free Fallin'" and thought it made sense for a dating website. Apparently it was a big hit. Except to the 64 people who didn't like me.

While I was checking my emails, some of the guys started to IM me. Anyone who knows me well knows I can't stand instant messaging. I'm a writer, an editor. I like to take my time with words. And I like spontaneous conversation when it's face-to-face, not through a little box on my computer screen. It's so much pressure, IM-ing!! So whenever someone started to chat with me, I pretended I didn't see it. But I felt bad after awhile and so I chatted briefly with a "Mr. Pringle." He was pretty cool. He asked me what my job is and I told him, and he said, "You're a rarity on here. Most girls have bad jobs or are uneducated." And that actually made me feel like MORE of a loser, because despite my intelligence, I'm still trying to find love on a friggin' website.

I'm trying to warm up to this, really. I do see how love connections can be made, and it is a nice service for those who don't have many outlets for meeting people. It's just so awkward in the beginning. I'm not accustomed to getting emails from strangers telling me they think I'm beautiful. When I read their flattery and, mostly, when I respond to it, I feel like I need to take a shower afterward.

But I'm only doing this for one month (because there's no way I'm paying that subscription fee again!) and I'm doing it for "research." So I guess I'll stick it out and see what happens.

'Cause I'm free, baby. Free fallin'.

The Online Dating Experiment Begins

Day One of my new Online Dating Experiment (ODE)...

Oh my goodness. I thought it would take maybe a half hour to do an online dating profile. It took two hours. Of course, I had to be all clever and stuff. I didn't want lame responses like "I like long walks on the beach..." So instead I opted for the more thought-provoking (read: trying too hard) statements like "I'm looking for someone who shares my passion for the intricate details of life. Someone who is confident in his own skin, but not cocky. (There is a big difference.) Someone who will make me and others laugh. Someone who brings energy to a room when he walks into it." Every man is going to want me because I am SO UNIQUE.

But I'm getting ahead of myself. Before creating a profile, I had to decide which online dating site I was going to go with. I'd like to thank all of the readers who gave me suggestions. I garnered from those suggestions that eHarmony was a big fat no. So I narrowed my choices to Match.com and Plentyoffish.com. The Plentyoffish one kind of bothered me. It is free, which is nice, but it's a little too much like the personal ads in the paper. Plus, I don't like how the name looks in the URL. Every time I read it, my instincts tell me that the name is Plenty Offish. Which doesn't make sense, and also brings to mind the word "standoffish." Which is not a word I'd like to associate with a dating website.

Yes, I'm picky. And yes, that is why I'm still single.

I thought that Match.com's home page was rather amusing. Below are a few quotes from that page, describing certain aspects of the website.

1) "With over 15 million singles online, Match.com is so sure you'll find someone special within six months, we're willing to guarantee it with our Make Love Happen guarantee." Is this like when those informercials promise you'll get your money back if The Ab Monster XL doesn't, in fact, give you rock-hard abs? So they're comparing my very own well-being to a piece of equipment? I'm glad to know that I matter to Match.com.

2) "Okay, so you've searched through available singles and you've seen someone you think you may connect with... Now, it's time to subscribe, because flirting is fun, but email is where the real love connections are made." Excuse me? Email is where love connections are made? EMAIL?? Whatever happened to having an actual date? Looking into someone's eyes? I know that they're speaking in context with how the site works, but when taken on its own, this sentence is sadly disturbing.

3) "Think about how much you spend on a night out at a bar. Or how much you spend on a movie and a bag of popcorn. How quickly would you give up one of these for a lifetime of love with someone special? Is it worth it? Get started now and find out for yourself!" Ah, here's where they get ya. You would spend money on a date anyway, so skip the date, stay at home, sit in front of your computer for hours, and spend that money instead on an automated service that will connect you with hundreds of other potential dates. It's an investment, you see. 

4) The conclusive sentence was the best one by far: "So what have you got to lose, besides more nights cuddling with your pillow?" They just had to get that one last jab in there, didn't they? I happen to like my pillow, thank you very much. It's soft and it doesn't snore.

Despite my beef with these things, I decided to go with Match.com after all. Mainly because I was tired of searching around for other sites. And it's a good thing I didn't take any more time searching because it took so long to fill out my clever and creative profile. More on that experience tomorrow.