Christmas Song Gone Wrong

When I was a kid, the song "I saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus" made me want to cry. At that time, I didn't know that Santa = Daddy. So it really bothered me that the mommy was seemingly cheating on the daddy, AND that they were making a song about it! Weren't Christmas songs supposed to make you feel warm and cozy? Gosh.

I stopped believing in Santa when I was 7 years old, I think. (Which seems young, does it not?) And I'm ashamed to admit that I STILL didn't "get" the song until I was about 12! I don't know why it took me so long; funny how that happens sometimes. But all of those years, I would shake my head in indignation, disturbed and slightly terrified that they were playing this song about a two-timing mother.

I'll never forget the day I realized that the Santa she was kissing was the kid's dad dressed as Santa! It somehow just clicked—finally—and I instantly felt stupid for not figuring it out five years earlier, and ashamed for judging the mom so badly when all she was doing was loving her husband.

I can't believe I just told you that story. I really do have some intelligence floating around in this brain of mine, I swear.

I found this video of an adorable little girl singing "I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus." I wonder if she's as bothered by it as I was. I'm guessing probably not.

Let's Talk About Sex

I try to avoid writing about sex on this blog because it's such a complicated and personal subject. But there are some things that just need to be said, and this is one of them...

Today a friend of mine linked to this article on Twitter, about how young people are dating less and just hooking up more. In fact, it says that hooking up is the new dating.

"Hooking up" basically means having a one-night stand. But, the article emphasizes, the upside is that these one-night stands are most likely happening with people they already know, instead of some random drunk at the bar. (Although I hear that the random drunks are still in the running too.)

The article talks about the pros and cons of this issue.

The pros?

Hooking up emphasizes group friendships over the one-pair model of dating, and, therefore, removes the negative stigma from those who can’t get a date. As [professor and author Kathleen Bogle] put it, “It used to be that if you couldn’t get a date, you were a loser.” Now, she said, you just hang out with your friends and hope that something happens.

Oookaaay...? So people who normally can't get a date might have a better chance of hooking up in a group setting? Umm... I'll take the optimistic route and hope this means that you're developing friendships with people first, and through that, someone might be more interested in you than if they barely knew you. Because by hanging out with you they learned how great you really are. So, instead of asking you on a date, they ask you to go into the back room to hook up. Because they like you for who you really are.

Sorry, I just can't do the optimism thing in this case.

Then it goes on to give the cons...

The cons center on the issues of gender inequity. Girls get tired of hooking up because they want it to lead to a relationship (the guys don’t), and, as they get older, they start to realize that it’s not a good way to find a spouse. Also, there’s an increased likelihood of sexual assaults because hooking up is often fueled by alcohol.

I was surprised when I read the first sentence. I understand what it means by gender inequity because it's true, girls make hooking up emotional and guys typically do not. But I thought the first con would be that people are giving themselves away too quickly! They are taking things out of order, risking not only confusion and heartache, but also sexually transmitted diseases and pregnancy!

And speaking of pregnancy... I am obviously not one to judge. In fact, I admit (begrudgingly, because my pastor is reading this) that I've done exactly what this article is talking about. And that's why I can say without a doubt that this whole hooking-up-instead-of-dating thing is dangerous. I have experienced the emptiness, the shame, the fear, the mixed messages, the whole roller coaster of emotions that can come from such an activity. I have been burned by men I truly cared about. I have burned men that truly cared about me. I have paid for those experiences in relationships that came after them. And I have lived through every unmarried woman's worst nightmare... seeing that little blue line on the pregnancy test.

So to know that this is becoming a regular occurrence in our culture? Breaks my heart. Because I don't want another woman to go through the crap that I went through. I want women to never have to wonder if the guy likes her for her awesomeness, or because she is awesome in bed. I want both women and men to be able to wake up in the morning and not regret what happened the night before. I want men to man up, dangit, and ask women on real, legitimate dates again. I want the blurry lines between lust and respect to be sharpened again.

I could go on all night but I won't.

To be continued...

Thoughts About the World Wide Web

I don't know if it's because of this blog or ODE or what, but lately I've been thinking a lot about online social networking sites. (Not only dating websites but others like Facebook and MySpace.) I can't help but wonder if these sites are really improving our communication with each other, or turning us all into social morons.

I'm a writer, so I love that I have so many opportunities to communicate with people via writing. Whether I'm texting, emailing, instant messaging (even though that still feels unnatural to me) or leaving a comment on someone's Facebook page... it has opened up a whole new vein of creativity in me, and it's fun!

However, I sometimes have to check myself. Is what I'm saying to these people through typed words the same thing I would say to them in person? Probably not. Is electronic communication different than our face-to-face communication would be? Without a doubt, yes. And that's fine, unless it becomes our primary form of communication.

When it comes to establishing interest in the opposite sex, the opportunities for online and mobile communication are endless. Whenever I see the little red light on my Blackberry flashing, I get a rush of excitement, wondering who was thinking of me enough to send me a message, and if that someone is someone worth getting excited about. But the problem with these little mini rushes is that I'm often disappointed. I hate discovering that the red light signified nothing other than a junk email, or a Twitter text from someone I barely know.

When I do get a message from a guy who I like, it's like opening a present. My heart pounds with every flirty word and winking emoticon. And in my opinion, that's the best part about electronic communication: The flirting. E-flirting, I like to call it. We can flirt in ways the human race has never flirted before. And that's exhilarating. But it might also be holding us back a bit.

I remember a few years ago, I liked a guy who lived kind of far away from me. We had met once at a mutual friend's house and then emailed back and forth almost every day for about a month until we saw each other in person. Our emails were fun, funny, and uber creative. We started this thing where, in every email, we had to tell each other something new about ourselves. And of course, I couldn't say something lame like, "I like chocolate." (Even though I do. Very much. Just sayin'.) It had to be more clever than that, like "I once stepped on a cat's tail in the middle of Vatican City." This guy probably thought I was the coolest, most unique chick ever. And I felt the same way about him. Except for the "chick" part.

But when we finally got together in person, the attraction quickly fizzled. Turns out we weren't nearly as cool and clever in person as we were on each other's computer screens.

And then there's the problem with revealing too much about yourself right from the get-go, especially on sites like Facebook and MySpace. Some of the things that people used to have to learn about you in a gradual process, they can now find out simply by clicking on the "Info" button on your Facebook page. In a way, this can bring you closer to a person in a shorter amount of time—there are fewer layers to unpeel—but it can also turn them away before they even get the chance to know the real you.

And don't even get me started on the jealousy (whether justified or not) that can result because of these social networking sites. I can't even imagine being an insecure teenager during this decade. I'm sure there are young girls everywhere losing their minds—even as I write—at the sighting of another girl's comment on her boyfriend's profile. The online world is like one big soap opera.

All that being said, I'm a media junkie, so I actually am an advocate for online and mobile communication. I just think it's important to be extra vigilant about what you put out there, and to not lose your sense of self.

What are your thoughts on the new age of communication? Are you for it or against it?

Hooked on Hitch

Over the weekend I saw the movie Hitch. I know that I'm about three years too late, but I'll risk being so yesterday because I really want to talk about this movie.

If you need a refresher, or if you haven't seen the film, I'll give you a brief synopsis of the plot: The main character Hitch, who's played by Will Smith, is known in New York City as the Date Doctor. He helps men—namely men who don't stand a chance—get dates with the women of their dreams. Hitch ends up finding love too, and in doing so he learns that it's not as easy as it looks.

What I love about this film is that Hitch teaches his clients how to have "game," but not in a player kind of way. In fact, he turns down a client who wants only to get in bed with a woman. ("Here's the thing," Hitch says to the guy. "My clients actually like women. 'Hit it and quit it' is not my thing.") He basically just teaches guys how to pay attention to women, and he also pushes them to man up and be confident, because that's what women like most. (And we really do, BTW. Just sayin'.)

But even women can learn from this film. It's just an interesting look at the sociology of people who are either in a relationship or looking to be in one.

Here are some of my favorite quotes from Hitch himself:

"Sixty percent of all human communication is nonverbal, body language; thirty percent is your tone. So that means ninety percent of what you're saying ain't coming out of your mouth."

"The fact is that just like the rest of us, even a beautiful woman doesn't know what she wants until she sees it, and that's where I come in. My job is to open her eyes. Basic Principles: No matter what, no matter when, no matter who... any man has a chance to sweep any woman off her feet; he just needs the right broom."

"One dance, one look, one kiss, that's all we get, Albert. Just... one shot, to make the difference between happily ever after, and oh? he's just some guy I went to some thing with once."

"Begin each day as if it were on purpose."

"When you're wondering what to say, or how you look... just remember... she is already out with you. That means she said yes when she could've said no. That means she made a plan, when she could've just blown you off. So that means it is no longer your job to make her like you... It is your job NOT TO MESS IT UP."

[toasting] "Never lie, steal, cheat, or drink. But if you must lie, lie in the arms of the one you love. If you must steal, steal away from bad company. If you must cheat, cheat death. And if you must drink, drink in the moments that take your breath away."

And my favorite, because it's so true...

"So how does it happen, great love? Nobody knows... but what I can tell you is that it happens in the blink of an eye. One moment you're enjoying your life, and the next you're wondering how you ever lived without them."

What other good love flicks have you seen? Tell me about 'em!

Slow Dancing

I was thinking today about slow dancing. Is there nothing better in the world than slow dancing? It's the best and most innocent way to get close to someone you care about, in public, and you're brought there solely by the means of sweet music.

The slow dances of junior high were stiff and awkward, yet exhilarating. (I have stories. Ohmagoodness, do I have stories.) And remember in high school when you'd look forward to the school dance for a whole week, because you knew you'd be dancing with your latest crush? Then there's college. I don't know if other colleges have dances, but mine did. Like every weekend. They got old after a while. They became so mainstream that we'd go to the dance with a date and end up dancing with some other random person. (Alcohol had something to do with that, I think.)

But after college, the slow-dancing possibilities kind of come to an end. With the exception of the occasional wedding, there just aren't a lot of opportunities to slow dance in a public setting. I honestly can't remember the last time I did. That makes me sad.

On the other hand, now that slow dancing is a rarity, it has this incredibly romantic stigma. Kind of like going on a tropical vacation. I hardly ever get to do that, but I will never stop wanting to, and when I do I'm going to enjoy every minute of it.

R&B artist John Legend—whose voice could convince me to do something illegal—has a song called "Slow Dance." It's one of those pure, old-school tunes that brings you right back to the dimly lit, streamer-decorated high school cafeteria.

Here's the video. You must watch it because it will make all of the problems in your life fade away, I swear. (Ladies, pretend he's singing to you. That's what I do. Then I melt into a pool of butter.)

"L" is for Lame

Well I am just giddy as all get-out.

(Wait, did I just say giddy as all get-out? What am I, Marie Osmond?)

How about this? I'm supa psyched.

That's better.

So I'm supa psyched that there was such dynamic discussion on my post yesterday about whether or not a woman should make the first move on the man. The consensus was pretty even, but it's just fascinating to me that other people are interested in this like I am. I tend to agree with a couple of the readers' opinions that men have backed down a bit in recent years, and women are picking up the slack. At the same time, I kind of like the challenge of being more of a decision-maker in the whole process, ya know? We women no longer have to sit back and wait for a guy to pay attention to us. That's pretty cool. However, it can be taken too far, and that's where it gets tricky.

Moving on.

Today I had a can of Diet Coke for lunch, and when I was done, I moved the little tab thingy back and forth until it came off. And just like any boy-crazy girl would do, I said the alphabet while pushing the tab, in order to find out who I'm going to marry. The tab came off on the letter "F," which means my future husband's name starts with "F." (Frank? Fernando?) But just yesterday the tab came off on the letter "D." (David? I like that name. I could marry a David. But then what about Fernando?)

This little game is so silly, but I've been playing it since I was in sixth grade. That, and the apple stem one. (You say the alphabet at every twist of the stem.) Who thought of these goofy gimmicks? Why do people believe in them? And why on earth am I still taking part in such a ludicrous activity? After all, I've been doing this with every apple and pop can for the past 17 years. And according to the extensive results, I'm apparently going to marry someone whose name starts with a letter between A and Z. Groundbreaking. Maybe I should start keeping track of the letters I get, and the one that comes up the most often will represent the name of my husband.

Either that, or I could quit relying on a piece of aluminum to determine my fate.

Just thought I'd share one of my neurotic little quirks. I hope I'm not alone, but I wouldn't be surprised if I am.

The First Move

I've had a very busy few days, which is why I haven't written anything since Thursday evening. Sorry about that. The life of a social butterfly... Sigh.

Kidding. But not really.

Because my first social event of the weekend was the aforementioned Halloween party, which I attended as Marilyn Monroe. It was a fun costume, and I think it was a hit. But it occurred to me halfway through the party that I should have gone as Juliet, to stay in keeping with my blogosphere persona... Nah, Marilyn Monroe is way cooler.

As the Halloween party made its way into the wee hours of the evening, a small group of us engaged in a friendly debate about relationships. In particular, there was a guy (we'll call him Mikey) who likes a girl (Ginger). There are times when it appears that Ginger's got the hots for him too, but then she'll go off and flirt with some other guy. Which clearly confuses the crap out of Mikey. One of the guys in our group (Daniel) urged Mikey to just straight-up tell Ginger how he feels. Daniel's wise advice was, "Just put it out there. Yeah, she might turn you down. And if she does, well, at least you'll know how she feels. But you're never going to know if you don't make the move, man." His point was that life is too short to keep waiting for the other person to make the first move. Well said, my friend.

But then I brought up the gender issue, which I love doing. I don't care what anyone says—men and women have different strengths, and those strengths should be carried over into romantic relationships. But as we all know, gender roles have gotten all screwed up lately. So I asked Daniel whether or not he thinks it's a turn-on if a girl makes the first move, even though that's typically the man's role. It seems to me that the girl would come across as too aggressive, which is something I've been told all of my life that guys don't like. But Daniel basically said, bring it on. He would love it if the girl made the first move, because then he'll know that she likes him. Which is precisely why we girls like it when the GUY makes the first move.

My head hurts.

What do you think? If you're interested in someone, and if you're not quite sure if that person is interested in you, do you make the move or do you wait for the other person to make it?

And, all of you men out there, I'm begging for some honesty here. If you, like Daniel, appreciate when the girl makes the move, but you don't want her to be too aggressive, how on earth are we to know where to draw the line?

Discuss.

(By the way, the kind of "moves" I'm talking about is innocent stuff like asking for a date or a phone number. Just wanted to make that clear, because sometimes "making a move" has different interpretations.)

Okay, now you can discuss.

I wonder how many receptors Marilyn Monroe has...

So, I feel terrible because the other day I promised some good laughs in one of this week's posts, and I have yet to deliver on that promise. (Unless, of course, you laughed out loud to one of my other posts this week, in which case you are my favorite reader.) The problem is, I'm having some technical difficulties with the humorous post that I originally planned. So now you'll have to wait another week, which is totally anti-climactic, and now when I do publish the post, you'll be all, "That was it? I had to wait a week and a half for THAT?" So, just forget I ever said anything and that way when I do publish the post that I consider to be hilarious, you will regard it with equal hilarity.

I'm very tired tonight. I'm writing this post later than I normally do because it's the night before Halloween and I have a five-year-old. You do the math. Also, I'm going to a Halloween party tomorrow night dressed as Marilyn Monroe, for some crazy reason. And that means a full-service grooming session is in order. Why did I decide to go as one of the most iconic women of all time, again? Oh yeah, it's because I didn't want to be a slutty pirate, nurse, witch, barmaid... you name it, they're all slutty. Some of you may argue that Marilyn Monroe is no Puritan herself, and you would be right. But the costume I chose makes me look like a nun compared to some of those other ones. But I will save that rant for another time.

My point is, tonight is not the night for me to dig into the philosophical recesses of my brain to find a topic worth discussing. Instead, I will leave you with this:

This morning on a radio show I heard that women have 32 to 34 emotional receptors in their brains. Guess how many emotional receptors men have? 2 to 4.

Men, now you know why we women are such lunatics. And women, now you know why men are such buffoons.

Good night.

Oh, and Happy Halloween.

Don't dress slutty.

Good night for reals.

The Spectacular American Wedding

Tonight I went to a bridal show. And before you get any crazy ideas, I assure you that I was not there for my own wedding. Not even close. 

No, I go to a lot of bridal shows for my job, and boy, have I seen the unglamorous side of weddings that way. All of the vendors crave the brides' attention, striving to sell them on the fact that they are different from every other florist/photographer/DJ in the room. And you'd think the brides would be excited to be there, but they really don't appear to be. They're all business, just trying to find the best deal and the prettiest tiara. (Ugh, don't get me started on tiaras.) 

 

It's kind of ironic, if you think about it. You fill a huge room with people who are dedicated to creating the most romantic day of a couple's life. But in doing so, every ounce of romance is removed, replaced by cliché marketing lines from overeager vendors and slow, uninterested nods from emotionally drained brides.

Which causes me to wonder... has the traditional, middle-class American wedding become one big superficial spectacle? Tonight one of my co-workers told me that his wedding had 450 guests. Wowza, that's a lot of people. Then he said both he and his wife now feel that a visit to the courthouse with a couple of witnesses would have been more fulfilling. That sounds horribly boring to me, but maybe he has a point.

When I was engaged, I didn't have a huge budget to work with, but it was sufficient enough for an average wedding. My fiancé argued that we should instead spend that money on a down payment for a home. But I wanted my wedding!, I whined. I had to watch all of my friends get married and now it was MY turn. Yes, it was my turn to have 200 people watch me walk down the aisle in a beautiful gown and then to have a $500 dollar cake smashed in my face. 

My. Turn.

It seems so selfish and silly when I look back on it, but if I were engaged right now I'd probably be thinking the same thing. I don't want my wedding to be a secret, I want it to be a spectacle!

Those of you who had the traditional wedding... I would like your input. If you could do it all over again, would you do it the same way? Or are you in agreement with my co-worker that the courthouse would have sufficed?

Do tell...

Rules of Engagement

I wrote this post back in July, before this blog even existed. I had originally planned on starting the blog at that time but it didn't work out. So the timeliness of this post is a little off, what with its reference to a TV show, but its message is one that I still would like to put out there. So, digest... 

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The other night I watched The Bachelorette season finale. I kinda can’t stand that show. (He’s the most amazing person you’ve ever met…in your whole entire life? Now that's serious. And eloquent.) But there was nothing better on and I was determined to veg on the couch for the first time this decade, so there it is.

In the (Most Dramatic Ever!) finale, the bachelorette chose this goofy, fun-loving guy who also proclaimed endless sappy superlatives about her. He got down on one knee, proposed, she said yes, and they lived happily ever after.

Following the finale came the hour-long “After the Rose” segment, so that viewers—still high from rose petals, icky real-people French kisses, and words like "soulmate"—could catch up to the couple in real time. Are they still together? Did she choose the wrong man? Find out, after these messages.

All throughout the “After the Rose” show, the commentator guy kept teasing the viewers further at commercial breaks: “Coming up, the happy couple makes a shocking announcement!” Which was perfect for me because I happen to love shocking announcements. I continued watching.

After 45 minutes of assurances that the couple is still together, they finally come to the shocking announcement, which is…. drum roll please… are you ready for this?…. The engaged couple SET A DATE for their wedding!!!

Woo. Hoo.

But get this... then the commentator turns to the couple’s families, who are sitting in the front row, and says, “So what do you guys think? Not only are they engaged but they’re getting married!”

Ummm... Am I missing something? Isn’t “being engaged” supposed to mean that you’re “getting married”? Isn’t the whole purpose behind a proposal to make a statement that you plan to marry someone?

This has been a gripe of mine for some time now. About two years ago, a coworker told me that his brother had just proposed to his girlfriend. A few months ago I realized there hadn’t yet been a wedding, so I asked my coworker if they’re still engaged. He said yes. "So when’s the wedding?" I asked. His reply was, and I quote, “Oh, they’re not getting married.” As if he were saying, “Oh, you don’t eat the crayons, silly.”

Somewhere along the line, the rules of commitment have changed. The engagement ring has become nothing more than a super-duper promise ring. I know that I broke off my engagement, but at least up until that point I had planned on actually marrying the guy. Why do some people even bother getting engaged if they have no intention of getting married? 

I just don't get it.

But don’t you worry about the Bachelorette and her most amazing man in the whole wide universe. They’re soulmates. We can make fun of them all we want, but at least they understand the action that is supposed to go with the commitment.

This month, anyway.

What If?

The economic crisis in the last couple of weeks has been rather eye-opening for me, as for most of you, I'm sure. The details are way over my head, so I've been relying on the explanations of people smarter than me to get as much info as I can. Some of them say that things will improve soon and we'll all be okay. Others' viewpoints are much more doom and gloom. I'm not intelligent enough on the subject to be able to make my own predictions. However, I do think that even if the doom-and-gloomers end up being correct, it may be a good thing.

Let's say, for example, that it gets so bad that we fall into another economic depression. The idea of that kind of excites me, to be honest. Crazy, I know. But I think it might be the wake-up call that our culture needs.

We have become so used to living in excess, so accustomed to ditching what we already have in favor of something bigger and better. This especially applies to material possessions but also to personal relationships as well. Spouses have extramarital affairs, young adults move far from home in search of "freedom," friendships are severed at the slightest argument...

But what happens when all of that bigger-and-better excess goes away? All we're left with is our personal relationships. And I'm willing to bet that at that point, we will handle our only valuable possessions—our loved ones—with the utmost care. We Americans just might learn how to treat each other again.

Imagine if you and everyone you love had to live in the same house, working together and combining your resources, in order to survive. This sounds fun to me. It sounds enriching and inspiring. It's the way things should be anyway, but we've fallen away from it. And while I honestly do hope that a depression never ever occurs, I'm just saying that if it does, we might experience love in a way that we never have before.

And I'll take that over a pimped-out retirement any day.