No, I go to a lot of bridal shows for my job, and boy, have I seen the unglamorous side of weddings that way. All of the vendors crave the brides' attention, striving to sell them on the fact that they are different from every other florist/photographer/DJ in the room. And you'd think the brides would be excited to be there, but they really don't appear to be. They're all business, just trying to find the best deal and the prettiest tiara. (Ugh, don't get me started on tiaras.)
It's kind of ironic, if you think about it. You fill a huge room with people who are dedicated to creating the most romantic day of a couple's life. But in doing so, every ounce of romance is removed, replaced by cliché marketing lines from overeager vendors and slow, uninterested nods from emotionally drained brides.
Which causes me to wonder... has the traditional, middle-class American wedding become one big superficial spectacle? Tonight one of my co-workers told me that his wedding had 450 guests. Wowza, that's a lot of people. Then he said both he and his wife now feel that a visit to the courthouse with a couple of witnesses would have been more fulfilling. That sounds horribly boring to me, but maybe he has a point.
When I was engaged, I didn't have a huge budget to work with, but it was sufficient enough for an average wedding. My fiancé argued that we should instead spend that money on a down payment for a home. But I wanted my wedding!, I whined. I had to watch all of my friends get married and now it was MY turn. Yes, it was my turn to have 200 people watch me walk down the aisle in a beautiful gown and then to have a $500 dollar cake smashed in my face.
My. Turn.
It seems so selfish and silly when I look back on it, but if I were engaged right now I'd probably be thinking the same thing. I don't want my wedding to be a secret, I want it to be a spectacle!
Those of you who had the traditional wedding... I would like your input. If you could do it all over again, would you do it the same way? Or are you in agreement with my co-worker that the courthouse would have sufficed?
Do tell...
7 comments:
Dan and I had a very small wedding with just about 40 guests. (Most being family.) Each member of our family contributed to the wedding instead of wedding gifts. (Like my Mom did the flowers, his Mom provided the drinks, etc.) Looking back, I love that we did it that way. It wasn't a whirlwind spectacle, it wasn't expensive - it was just Dan and I declaring our love in front of those that mattered to us. Sure, we got hosed out of cool gifts but that's fine. And for the first time, I actually agree with your ex - save the money for a one day party and put it towards a down payment on a home. Whether its $2,000 or $20,000, its still just ONE day. But that's just me.
In some ways I would do it over- we had a very large wedding since we had to invite everyone at our huge church. People are on my wedding video that I still don't even know who they are. I will say that it's nice to get all the gifts from those people, but when you think about it, in a romantic sense, you are right. I kinda wish we could do a very small destination wedding like so many people are doing these days.
I think no matter what- big or small- as long as the bride & groom are in agreement AND the in-laws are, too... you can't go wrong.
Steph
Wouldn't change a thing. One of the happiest days of my life. Now, when I go to other weddings of the same size as ours (200 +) I get that same feeling I had that day, b/c I know what the bride and groom are feeling, and it is sooo surreal! This is the only time in your life that you and your husband will be surrounded by all your friends and family at once. You never get that chance again.
Since my husband and I had been previously married, when we decided to get married we decided to do something low key. We go a Marriage License that was good anywhere in the state of Indiana and we hopped into his truck and took off for places unknown. We ended up in Madison Indiana, a quaint little town on the Ohio River across from Louisville. It was fall and the colors were beautiful. We stayed at a Bed and Breakfast and the next morning we scoped out the town and saw some beautiful churches. Then we went to the Visitors Bureau and Randy told the lady at the desk that we were looking to get married. She called her minister and he met with us and later he married us in the church that we had decide was the most beautiful. It was the most fun, beautiful day. After the minister said that he would marry us, we ran across the street to the florist and they made me a bouquet and Randy a bootineer and we had to change into the clothes that we brought to get married in. I had a very pretty dress and Randy had a nice suit. The florist followed us to the church and took pictures. She invited us to come to a club that evening, where her boyfriend was the bartender. They had a live band and it was like having an impromtu wedding reception with the band playing songs for us all night long. We had a small dinner with family and friends about a month after we got married. We celebrated our 13th anniversary on October 21.
Having done the traditionl wedding the first time and the adventure the second time, I would opt for the adventure.
I work for a caterer and I have worked at many wedding receptions. I am thankful for people who have big wedding receptions because it provides me with a job. That being said I will tell you this, most wedding receptions are basically the same without many distinctions. Of course there are different brides with beautiful dresses (my favorite part), handsome grooms, expensive food, boring DJ's that bring over 70,000 songs but still manage to play the same old songs that EVERYONE plays at their wedding, beautiful wedding cakes (another favorite) that don't look so beautiful after they are cut and people who drink too much (the bride and groom included) and sometimes get into fights.
I realize that every woman wants to find that perfect dress and see her future husband in a tuxedo and I would urge you to do that. The most tasetful wedding that I have worked at was for around 70 people and it was fabulous. But it is my conclusion that the "big show" is not worth it.
I agree that the money is better spent on a house.
Honestly, Julie, do whatever makes you happy for that day. It's your wedding. If you want to throw one with a $100 budget, do it. Just do me a favor.
Don't scrimp on the photographer, it can make all the difference in the world.
Hey Juliet! I read your blogs because I love to read blogs, not because I'm stalking you. haha...
Ooo!! A request for feedback on my big wedding?!
Um, YEAH. Do it. Totally. I agree with Lindsey (whoever that is) that it's a surreal day and you will think about it every day for the rest of your life. We had close friends and family from 17 different states come to LaPorte for us! There are no words to express what that day meant to me. The same friends who painted Manahattan red with me drove me to the liquor store on Pine Lake Ave. to buy Coors Light. And my high school friends had to tell them how to get there because I was inconsolable over some stupid last- minute-wedding-details tension with my mom. Priceless.
Sure, I LOVED my dress, my hair, my cake, my 1961 Thunderbird convertible getaway car, my hunky groom, my color sceme, First United Methodist Church, the way the hall looked (okay, you get it). But it was more than that. I too know the scars a divorce can leave and for me my wedding day was about beliveing in my heart's desire in spite of what I knew marriage to be in my parents' lives. It was about leaving behing the identity I carried with me since I was 8 - a child of divorce - and donning an new identity - a precious wife. It was my new start to my new life with my Brian.
Check out my blog - www.christinhoyt.blogspot.com
Oh and...
Brian was just as into our wedding as I was and that made it so fun for me. That being said, he there were many times when he would turn to me and say, "Honestly, I'm fine with whatever you want. This is about me, but it's mainly about the bride. This is your day." I can't imagine how frustrating it would have been to have someone trying to be practical when I was trying to celebrate.
You'll know you have found Romeo because he will want what you want. That might mean he has always wanted a fantasmical wedding too or it might mean that he will get what a fantasmical wedding means to you and he'll want it because you want it.
Oh. Is there any chance Bobby's last name began with a C and ended with an iron? Because that dude was on drugs. Seriously. No I mean he really was high all the time. If there were boys out there who called you "butt ugly" I DO NOT want to EVER know what they said about me or 90% of the other girls our age. Geez.
Kids are nuts. Some girl at Countryside started a rumor about me when we were in 6th grade that I was a slut. She said I had orgys in my living room and that my dad knew it and didn't care. How ludacris is that? If I had any sense at all I would have realized that no one would believe that about a 12 year old. But did I have sense? No. I let that crazy kid ruin oh, about 6 years of my life. AND I hated church and God for a good 3 years because of that.
Ah, childhood wounds.
(:
Post a Comment