Guest Blog: The Deepest Circle of Hell

Since I've started this blog, a few of my friends have approached me saying that they're going through a particular experience involving relationships and they think I should write about it. And I'd be happy to, except in some cases it wouldn't mean anything coming from me. The people who can say it best are the ones who are living it at that moment.

So I decided to feature a "guest blog" every once in a while, from the people who I think have a good story to tell. The first one comes from my friend Seth. Seth and I have a lot in common, in that we both got engaged around the same time and then broke off those engagements at the same time. We didn't even know each other at that point.

Below, Seth writes about a sobering but valuable lesson he has learned since the breakup. I'm sure anyone who has ever been in love can relate, to some extent. Enjoy...  -JS

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Hi, I’m a guest blogger. 25. Male. While I don’t have much “relational baggage,” (most of my dating life has been pretty typical, not nearly exciting enough for blog format) I was confronted with one of the most terrible truths of my entire life this weekend.  

The backstory: I was engaged (oh so briefly) to a woman (who we’ll call Tara) who suffered from Borderline Personality Disorder. Breaking it off was very tough, but I went to counseling and worked out my junk, used the money from the ring to buy a new racing bicycle and an XBOX 360, and life got back to normal.  

But often the most terrible part of a break-up is not the pain of being alone, but facing who you were. It was just last night at a social gathering when one of my best friends Cathy and I were re-telling college stories to her new boyfriend, and the topic of my engagement came up. Normally, I can put a somewhat bright face on this negative event, and turn one of the toughest events of my life into a big party joke for the amusement of others.

 
But Cathy jumped in and took the lead on this particular retelling, and for the first time, I heard back all the words I had spoken to her a year before. When Cathy had tried to warn me about my fiancée, I told her off, and informed her that I wouldn’t be speaking to her for a while until she learned her lesson.

A few weeks after this happened, Tara complained that it was “inappropriate” for me to have lunch with my female college friend while I was on business in Nashville. I complied, and ducked out of the commitment.  

This pattern continued until I had alienated four of my five (three male and two female, for the record) best friends from college.

On the day that Tara and I got engaged, I called my mom for 2 minutes, told her the news like I was telling her the weather, and then didn’t return her calls for a week.  

Anyone who knows me well will tell you that this is VERY unlike me. (My mom and my friends were shocked, and started calling each other to try and figure out what was going on).

A year later, I’m not sure how I sunk to levels this low, to betray my best friends, and my own mother. Ironically, when I broke up with Tara, it was these six people who surrounded me with love and helped me put the pieces back together.  

The lesson: be careful about what a relationship costs you. Every choice in life costs something, be it our time, energy, or thoughts. And relationships cost something too.  

With the really good ones, this cost is well worth it. But no single relationship should cost you all your others. If the “price tag” on the “love of your life” reads “those closest to you,” then the price is far too high.  

In Dante’s classic poem “The Inferno,” the deepest circle of hell is not reserved for murders, rapists, child molesters, or even those who orchestrated genocide. The most terrible part of hell is reserved solely for men who turned their backs on their friends.  

I have lost love, and I have no regrets.

I have betrayed friends, and it’s the biggest regret of my life, the single choice of which I am most utterly ashamed, the mark I would trade happiness, success, and wealth to erase.  

Love is a wonderful thing.

But be careful what it costs.