Hooked on Hitch

Over the weekend I saw the movie Hitch. I know that I'm about three years too late, but I'll risk being so yesterday because I really want to talk about this movie.

If you need a refresher, or if you haven't seen the film, I'll give you a brief synopsis of the plot: The main character Hitch, who's played by Will Smith, is known in New York City as the Date Doctor. He helps men—namely men who don't stand a chance—get dates with the women of their dreams. Hitch ends up finding love too, and in doing so he learns that it's not as easy as it looks.

What I love about this film is that Hitch teaches his clients how to have "game," but not in a player kind of way. In fact, he turns down a client who wants only to get in bed with a woman. ("Here's the thing," Hitch says to the guy. "My clients actually like women. 'Hit it and quit it' is not my thing.") He basically just teaches guys how to pay attention to women, and he also pushes them to man up and be confident, because that's what women like most. (And we really do, BTW. Just sayin'.)

But even women can learn from this film. It's just an interesting look at the sociology of people who are either in a relationship or looking to be in one.

Here are some of my favorite quotes from Hitch himself:

"Sixty percent of all human communication is nonverbal, body language; thirty percent is your tone. So that means ninety percent of what you're saying ain't coming out of your mouth."

"The fact is that just like the rest of us, even a beautiful woman doesn't know what she wants until she sees it, and that's where I come in. My job is to open her eyes. Basic Principles: No matter what, no matter when, no matter who... any man has a chance to sweep any woman off her feet; he just needs the right broom."

"One dance, one look, one kiss, that's all we get, Albert. Just... one shot, to make the difference between happily ever after, and oh? he's just some guy I went to some thing with once."

"Begin each day as if it were on purpose."

"When you're wondering what to say, or how you look... just remember... she is already out with you. That means she said yes when she could've said no. That means she made a plan, when she could've just blown you off. So that means it is no longer your job to make her like you... It is your job NOT TO MESS IT UP."

[toasting] "Never lie, steal, cheat, or drink. But if you must lie, lie in the arms of the one you love. If you must steal, steal away from bad company. If you must cheat, cheat death. And if you must drink, drink in the moments that take your breath away."

And my favorite, because it's so true...

"So how does it happen, great love? Nobody knows... but what I can tell you is that it happens in the blink of an eye. One moment you're enjoying your life, and the next you're wondering how you ever lived without them."

What other good love flicks have you seen? Tell me about 'em!

My Hero & Heroine: Renald & Rinny

My pick for this month's Hero & Heroine are two of my best friends, who have chosen to go by the names Renald (the husband) and Rinny (the wife. Obvi.). They've been married for two years, but they've lived through what feels like 30 years of hardship. Rinny's mother has had cancer on and off for two years, and Renald's father died of cancer 1-1/2 years ago. They've also endured their own medical issues, financial difficulties, and other family woes that I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. Yet, somehow, their marriage has remained a solid pillar of strength throughout all of it. Renald and Rinny also treat each other with more respect than most married couples I know.

Both Renald and Rinny are fun, creative, goofy, and just a blast to be around. My humble adimiration for them—as individuals and as a couple—never ceases. And that is why they are and will always be my hero and heroine...

1. When and how did you meet?
Renald: We met at church. I had seen her a few times, and really thought she was beautiful. We were both known as creative people, so we were asked to create a video for the group we were in. Little did we know that it was a setup. The video took longer than it should have because we spent a lot of time talking. I asked her out after the first video session.
Rinny: It was a setup but not "the almighty setup." Our friends were quite stealthy about it. They used compliments to trick us: "You know how you two are both so creative? Why don't you work on this project together?" The first night we "worked" together we got nothing accomplished because we were more focused on getting to know each other.

2. How was this relationship (pre-marriage) different from the ones that came before it?
Renald: Most of my relationships were shallow before her. I really never felt loved, and was resigned to chasing girls, hoping that I could trick one into dating me. It was sad. I really feel like a lucky man to have Rinny's love. She is amazing.
Rinny: It was unlike anything I had experienced before. There was so much love and fun and respect. Even my family and friends noticed a change in me.

3. How did you know you wanted to marry each other?
Renald: After our first date, we drove back to her house and talked until after midnight. I drove home on cloud nine. My sister asked me the next day about how my date went, and after telling her about it, I knew that I would marry her.
Rinny: It's funny because after our first date, he didn't kiss me goodnight. Well he kissed my hand... so I thought, "Wow. After talking for hours and hours he must still not be that into me." I even told my mom I thought we would just be friends. But by the end of that week I just knew that he was "IT." Yes, it was soon, but before that, marriage had always scared me. Like once it happened life was over. With him I just felt like marrying him would be the beginning of something incredible, and it has been.

4. You've been through a lot of hardship. How does your marriage survive?
Renald: I honestly don't think I would have survived it without her. She's my rock. She's stood by me through my depression and lethargy. She's put up with my work antics. She's supported me when I was a poor excuse for a husband. Without her, I would have given up long ago.
Rinny: Most people say the honeymoon period is the best time. In our situation things have been anything but sunshine and rainbows. We have faced a lot of tragedies in the last 2 years. I think that when one of us is weak, the other is strong. We support each other in that way. Also we laugh a lot! I know people say cancer isn't funny, but you have to make it funny or life is just a drag!

5. How do you handle conflict with each other?
Renald: We are both very forgiving people. Sometimes too forgiving, and then it boils to a head. We've had our fair share of arguments, but there is one important thing. We agreed early on to never yell, and never call each other foul names. That has made a huge difference even when angry. It feels safer to be upset.
Rinny: Well, we don't have a ton of conflict, which can be a double-edged sword. When we do, we are patient with each other. No name-calling or yelling. It breaks our hearts to see other couples disrespect each other.

6. In what ways has your relationship improved since your wedding day?
Renald: We've learned so much about each other since being married. Living with someone is a crazy situation. You learn to bend and adapt. You learn how to provide for the other's needs even when you're tired from a long day. We aren't perfect at it, but we're getting better all the time.
Rinny: I didn't think it was possible, but I love him more and more all the time. We were together for almost 4 years before we married, so you would think we knew each other pretty well, but living with someone changes everything. It's hard work but fun.

7. Do you still go out on dates? If not, how do you manage to spend quality time together?
Renald: We don't "date" as often as we used to. We're focused right now on getting out of debt. So, we've cut our spending money way down. We talk when we are together. We share stories about our days. We text each other throughout the day. Keeping in touch is crucial.
Rinny: Ha! Dates! I know everything I read says we should have date night but it's just not feasible right now. We've cut our spending to try and get out of debt. Not to mention our lives are so hectic that sitting on the couch talking is about all we have energy for. Sometimes I feel like we haven't really sat down to talk in days. That's when we make a point to have some solid face-to-face time.

[Note from Juliet: You can still go on dates without spending any money. Go to a museum or go ice skating, something sweet and pure (and FREE!) like that. I'd like to challenge you (and other couples reading this) to think of creative ways to go on dates without spending a dime. Then tell me about it!]

8. What's your favorite thing about your spouse?
Renald: My favorite thing about Rinny is when we are running around the house being goofy and laughing. We like to make up songs about our animals and each other. I love making Rinny smile. It's entrancing and infectious. She's incredible.
Rinny: His ability to make my darkest moments better. When people meet us they often ask, "Do you just laugh together all the time?" We do. Our day-to-day interactions are hilarious. At least in our opinion.

9. Which fictional TV/movie couple do you resemble most?
Renald: I would have to say Monica and Chandler [from the TV show Friends] to a degree, but Rinny is more like Rachel. So, if Rachel and Chandler ever got together, that'd be us.
Rinny: I would say Lily and Marshall from How I Met your Mother. They are sickeningly sweet but also hilarious.

10. Do you have any advice for young married couples (or soon-to-be-married couples)?
Renald: YES!!! Don't get married too soon. Work through all of the relationship garbage when you can still get time apart. Also, you aren't as important as you think you are, and most of the time your opinion doesn't really matter. Spend each day doing your best to make the other person happy, and your happiness will come right along with that.
Rinny: Ladies, don't emasculate your husband in front of other people (or ever). It's not cute or funny, and if you start early you'll do it forever. Or he'll get tired of it and you will become a statistic. Above all else, respect each other, love each other, take care of each other. Marriage is a give-and-take process.


Thank you, R&R, for your fresh perspective on how to keep a marriage... well... fresh! You are proof that love can truly outlast a storm. And I'm still praying that your storm will soon clear up so the sun can finally shine again. Love you! -JS

Love in Art

One of my dearest friends—who goes by "ccntgrl" on the comment board of this blog—told me about her favorite artist, Jean Honore Fragonard. Fragonard was a French painter who was known for his style of "florid sumptuousness." (So says Wikipedia.)

Fragonard had a tendency toward "scenes of love and voluptuousness." Here are a couple of his love paintings:

The Swing




Stolen Kiss



The following paintings are part of a series called The Progress of Love. They depict, in the order shown, the stages of love as it develops. I think it's cool that these were painted in the 1700s yet still apply today.

Just goes to show you that the experience of love is timeless, and universal.

(Note: Seems like there's a bit of Lover and Beloved going on here...)

The Pursuit


The Meeting


The Lover Crowned


Love Letters


Reverie


Love Triumphant

Slow Dancing

I was thinking today about slow dancing. Is there nothing better in the world than slow dancing? It's the best and most innocent way to get close to someone you care about, in public, and you're brought there solely by the means of sweet music.

The slow dances of junior high were stiff and awkward, yet exhilarating. (I have stories. Ohmagoodness, do I have stories.) And remember in high school when you'd look forward to the school dance for a whole week, because you knew you'd be dancing with your latest crush? Then there's college. I don't know if other colleges have dances, but mine did. Like every weekend. They got old after a while. They became so mainstream that we'd go to the dance with a date and end up dancing with some other random person. (Alcohol had something to do with that, I think.)

But after college, the slow-dancing possibilities kind of come to an end. With the exception of the occasional wedding, there just aren't a lot of opportunities to slow dance in a public setting. I honestly can't remember the last time I did. That makes me sad.

On the other hand, now that slow dancing is a rarity, it has this incredibly romantic stigma. Kind of like going on a tropical vacation. I hardly ever get to do that, but I will never stop wanting to, and when I do I'm going to enjoy every minute of it.

R&B artist John Legend—whose voice could convince me to do something illegal—has a song called "Slow Dance." It's one of those pure, old-school tunes that brings you right back to the dimly lit, streamer-decorated high school cafeteria.

Here's the video. You must watch it because it will make all of the problems in your life fade away, I swear. (Ladies, pretend he's singing to you. That's what I do. Then I melt into a pool of butter.)

Baggage Unpacked?

It's been a while since I've written a new installment to my Baggage series. And I can honestly say it's because I simply ran out of things to write about. I've told you the whole story, and that basically leads me to this point right here.

However, I do want to talk a little bit about the transitional period between my break-up with Paris and this point right here.

Shortly after it officially ended, I became a "scoper." I was constantly scoping my workplace, my church, the grocery store, the alleyway... you name it, all in search of my next boyfriend. I found myself looking at guys I'd never been attracted to and thinking, "He might work for me." During this time, I probably would have justified that a serial killer was worthy of my attention.

The problem with this was (well, there were many problems, but...) these guys who were all wrong for me were beginning to notice that I was scoping them. Maybe because of my whole Free Square thing, I don't know. But it put me into an awkward position, and I felt a bit trapped.

One day it all seemed to be spiraling out of control, and I did not like that one bit. So I stepped back and looked at myself from an outsider's perspective. At that moment, my outsider body was saying to my real body, "Tsk, tsk, Juliet. If you keep this up, you're going to make the same mistakes all over again. You're not looking for a man to love, you're looking for attention—and from any Joe Schmo who will give it to you. Just take a chill pill and STOP LOOKING, for heaven's sake."

If any of my friends had given me this constructive criticism (and some of them did try to), I would have brushed them off, insisting that I was completely composed and knew what I was doing. But when it was myself knocking some sense into me? This time it stuck.

So instead of thinking about my next potential date, I started focusing on the amazing life I already had. I poured into Julietta, spending as much free time with her as I could. My relationship with her grew exponentially. I took on a more active role at work, I started making new friends, I began exercising again. I also began smiling again. A lot.

I finally learned, for perhaps the first time in my life, how to find fulfillment in something other than a man. And as a result I was—and still am—experiencing a joy that I never knew existed.

Of course, as I've discussed before, everyone wants to be loved. And I'm sure it's obvious by my writings on this blog that I still desire a relationship with a good man. But it's different this time. First of all, the interests I have developed in the past couple of months have come naturally—not because I was seeking them out. (BTW, this sort of explains why I'm so hesitant about the online dating thing.) And also, I refuse to let myself fall for the same crap that I fell for in the past. I am not going to settle. Ever. Again. I'm stating that here so that you can all hold me accountable to it. Because settling for less is a lot easier than holding out for more.

But holding out for more sounds like a lot more fun.

Thanks again for letting me unpack my baggage in this format. It feels so good to get all of that junk out of its crammed suitcase. Here's to an open slate, and enjoying life at this point right here.

"L" is for Lame

Well I am just giddy as all get-out.

(Wait, did I just say giddy as all get-out? What am I, Marie Osmond?)

How about this? I'm supa psyched.

That's better.

So I'm supa psyched that there was such dynamic discussion on my post yesterday about whether or not a woman should make the first move on the man. The consensus was pretty even, but it's just fascinating to me that other people are interested in this like I am. I tend to agree with a couple of the readers' opinions that men have backed down a bit in recent years, and women are picking up the slack. At the same time, I kind of like the challenge of being more of a decision-maker in the whole process, ya know? We women no longer have to sit back and wait for a guy to pay attention to us. That's pretty cool. However, it can be taken too far, and that's where it gets tricky.

Moving on.

Today I had a can of Diet Coke for lunch, and when I was done, I moved the little tab thingy back and forth until it came off. And just like any boy-crazy girl would do, I said the alphabet while pushing the tab, in order to find out who I'm going to marry. The tab came off on the letter "F," which means my future husband's name starts with "F." (Frank? Fernando?) But just yesterday the tab came off on the letter "D." (David? I like that name. I could marry a David. But then what about Fernando?)

This little game is so silly, but I've been playing it since I was in sixth grade. That, and the apple stem one. (You say the alphabet at every twist of the stem.) Who thought of these goofy gimmicks? Why do people believe in them? And why on earth am I still taking part in such a ludicrous activity? After all, I've been doing this with every apple and pop can for the past 17 years. And according to the extensive results, I'm apparently going to marry someone whose name starts with a letter between A and Z. Groundbreaking. Maybe I should start keeping track of the letters I get, and the one that comes up the most often will represent the name of my husband.

Either that, or I could quit relying on a piece of aluminum to determine my fate.

Just thought I'd share one of my neurotic little quirks. I hope I'm not alone, but I wouldn't be surprised if I am.

The First Move

I've had a very busy few days, which is why I haven't written anything since Thursday evening. Sorry about that. The life of a social butterfly... Sigh.

Kidding. But not really.

Because my first social event of the weekend was the aforementioned Halloween party, which I attended as Marilyn Monroe. It was a fun costume, and I think it was a hit. But it occurred to me halfway through the party that I should have gone as Juliet, to stay in keeping with my blogosphere persona... Nah, Marilyn Monroe is way cooler.

As the Halloween party made its way into the wee hours of the evening, a small group of us engaged in a friendly debate about relationships. In particular, there was a guy (we'll call him Mikey) who likes a girl (Ginger). There are times when it appears that Ginger's got the hots for him too, but then she'll go off and flirt with some other guy. Which clearly confuses the crap out of Mikey. One of the guys in our group (Daniel) urged Mikey to just straight-up tell Ginger how he feels. Daniel's wise advice was, "Just put it out there. Yeah, she might turn you down. And if she does, well, at least you'll know how she feels. But you're never going to know if you don't make the move, man." His point was that life is too short to keep waiting for the other person to make the first move. Well said, my friend.

But then I brought up the gender issue, which I love doing. I don't care what anyone says—men and women have different strengths, and those strengths should be carried over into romantic relationships. But as we all know, gender roles have gotten all screwed up lately. So I asked Daniel whether or not he thinks it's a turn-on if a girl makes the first move, even though that's typically the man's role. It seems to me that the girl would come across as too aggressive, which is something I've been told all of my life that guys don't like. But Daniel basically said, bring it on. He would love it if the girl made the first move, because then he'll know that she likes him. Which is precisely why we girls like it when the GUY makes the first move.

My head hurts.

What do you think? If you're interested in someone, and if you're not quite sure if that person is interested in you, do you make the move or do you wait for the other person to make it?

And, all of you men out there, I'm begging for some honesty here. If you, like Daniel, appreciate when the girl makes the move, but you don't want her to be too aggressive, how on earth are we to know where to draw the line?

Discuss.

(By the way, the kind of "moves" I'm talking about is innocent stuff like asking for a date or a phone number. Just wanted to make that clear, because sometimes "making a move" has different interpretations.)

Okay, now you can discuss.